Screen Time
I am sitting with three friends, I am in the middle of telling a story, and they are all tapping away at screens. One is searching for a picture another friend posted that she just has to show us. Another is texting her husband to make sure all is well with the children at home. The third seems to be checking to see if there is anything worth checking for. We are sitting around a table at local pub, we are meant to be catching up with each other. How and when did it become acceptable that whatever is happening via a little hand-held screen is more important than whatever is happening right in front of us? I suddenly decide to stop talking. I decide I will no longer talk to people who are holding a device and looking at a screen. If they would like to converse with me, they can put the phone away.
One friend looks up eventually, as if it has just dawned on her that I've stopped what I'm saying. "Go on, I'm listening," she says. "I can listen while I text."
"That's ok," I reply, trying to sound breezy. "Go ahead and finish. I'd rather talk when you're done."
She looks slightly affronted, finishes what she is doing, and puts her phone down. Not away, just on the table. I continue with my story, but there is a chill in the air. I know my friends can tell I am annoyed, and I am having a hard time trying to sound as if I'm not. I am tired of half-conversations, of competing with whatever social media alert has just come in.
This is only one in thousands of posts about the perils of screens, about a yearning for simpler time when the person next to you was more alluring than a dinging, vibrating device. I rant about this shift in our social construct, in our collective attention spans, I plan to have device-free Sundays with my family when my son is older. Yet I continue to struggle with my own device usage and how attached I continue to be to my little screen. I tap away while my son is nursing. I check my phone in the middle of the night when he wakes up. I frequently almost miss my subway stop because I am glued to the little shining square an inch from my face. It make me wonder what else I am missing.
I think this is so hard to balance. We want to check our devices, but we also want to pay attention to others. We also want our friends to pay attention to us.
ReplyDeleteSome of my friends and I play a "game" when we go out. We all put our phones away or in the middle of the table so that we don't use the phones. Whoever checks her phone first, has to pay for the whole bill. Believe me, no one is touching her phone! :)
To be completely honest, I didn't realize that technology was as apparent in the adult world as it is in the teenage world. I am constantly fighting for the attention of my friends over their virtual conversations. My closest friends all know, however, that when they go out to dinner with me the phones go in their bags. My mom always asks who's more important; the person in front of you or the person four miles away?
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that technology is as hard to manage when you're thirty as when you're seventeen. Still just as frustrating, clearly.
Thanks for sharing!
I'm fairly amazed at how many bring their phone to staff meetings & look at the screen when it flashes, or text while others are speaking. I watched a group at a restaurant lately-big group, & everyone had their phones out, no one was looking at anyone or talking, just texting. I wondered why they bothers to come together. Good for you for doing something about it, Anna!
ReplyDeleteI want to do more! I'm trying to figure out how to limit the devices on a regular basis. I'd love to walk out of staff meetings where that is happening but I don't know if that is realistic.
DeleteYou had me hooked with "I am in the middle of telling a story, and they are all tapping away at screens." We are all wrestling with this phenomenon. I am continually amazed at the screen usage of my preschoolers at home - and their distracted families (picking them up with phone on ear). So depressing. Your last line is very powerful.
ReplyDeleteOh you are singing my song. My husband goes crazy with the device thing. No one is allowed to have devices at social event, dinner or conversation he is involved in. He has made a stand and all know it isn't allowed. Devices and social media are obsessions; with a teenager you might as well remove their right arm as take away their device. I hope us "adults" can set some limits and model how social is face to face time too!
ReplyDeleteConnecting with people, whether face to face, or handwritten letter, or telephone, or tapping on a screen, is human contact. I have a hard time separating them or ranking one as any more important than other. The fact that some feel a bit of an insult is really interesting to me.
ReplyDeleteOne of my graduate school professors, in 1992, would tell us repeatedly how he despised phone conversations. In his 60s, he longed for the "warmth of a handwritten, heartfelt, letter." Phone conversations were cold and too convenient in his opinion. He told us he hung up on his kids all the time--"drive the hell over here if you want to talk to me."
I wonder if there was a day when someone groused, "why the hell did he write me a letter? Can't he get on his horse and ride over here to talk to me?"
I see photographs from the 40s and 50s of men and women with their faces in newspapers, and I can imagine people getting a bee in their bonnet about that too--"put that paper down and talk to me! I'm right here!"
Not much as really changed I guess...
I am so with you. Perhaps that is the reason I try to always keep my phone in my bag when socializing with my friends. I want my friends to be in the present with me so I try to return that favor. I just wish this would work at school during meetings as well. Our admin is always on their phones....
ReplyDeleteThat drives me crazy. It's rude! And it sends a message about the importance of the people in front of you.
DeleteFirst, I can promise you that when we hang out my phone will not be on the table. That kind of thing drives me nuts too! Second, I think it's okay to have your phone on while you're nursing Tommy. However, when he gets to the age where he can tell you are diverting your attention from him to the device, then it's time to put it away.
ReplyDeleteBoth of those things make me happy. I agree that when he starts to be aware of the phone and my attention, it's no longer OK. And maybe I won't be spending so much time nursing then. I don't know how else I'd get my Slicing done!
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