Saturday, March 12, 2016

A Letter to My Husband

Dear Husband,

Today we are diving and conquering.
Like we do every day.
Saturdays used to look like this:

  • Wake up after 10
  • Discuss where to get brunch
  • End up at our favorite place nearly every time
  • Discuss what adventure to have that day over a second coffee
  • Take a nap
  • Have cocktail hour
  • Have a luxurious dinner
  • Go to bed whenever we felt like it
Now, they look like this: 
  • Groan when we hear the first baby sound (usually between 5 and 6)
  • Try to wait each other out and breathe a sigh of relief when the other gets up
  • Stumble around for coffee, aim to get everyone fed
  • Try to decide if we can muster the strength to do something educational or adventurous before nap time
  • Pray for a nap
  • Go to the playground
  • Squeeze in a quick dinner before elaborate bedtime routine
  • Fall in bed, exhausted. Early. 
I know our lives look different now. I read a German study about the higher levels of stress and lower levels of happiness that people with children report. Of course, we love our children more than life itself. And we wouldn't look back in a million years. But it's also okay to admit that this is a hard time in our lives. We have a two year old and a baby. Everything is about them now. It's okay to admit that we miss being together, just us. We miss being able to look into each others' eyes and really, really listen to what the other is saying. We miss having no plans, empty days waiting to be filled. You might not feel I give you space to admit our lives are hard right now. But I understand, and I agree. 

Currently, you are outside with our eldest so I can rest. Thank you for doing your share. Thank you for your partnership. This is hard, but it is real. It is a gift. It is us. And it is temporary. One day, these boys will be leaving our nest and we'll think how fast it all went. 

Love,
Your Wife

8 comments:

  1. I absolutely love the format of your slices this month, and this letter is especially moving. Parenting is so hard. Your current daily routine reminded me of my life when I first became a mom. Thanks for sharing this piece!

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    1. Thank you Elisabeth! I'm having so much fun with these letters.

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  2. Anna, this letter reminds me of my post today about why we have children. I love how you are giving space to say it is hard -- that giving space is so important to keep things real and honest. With two teenagers, we often miss your life -days we spent getting through it all together. Now we are in so many different directions that we have to plan to see each other. We have loved each stage --they are all different but all joyous in their own way.
    Thank you for your honesty,
    Clare

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  3. It's true. Having young kids is stressful, but it sounds like you and your husband have figured out that you need to be partners through it all. Enjoy a nap soon!!

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  4. These are sweet days that you and your husband are having Anna, you'll see them for that years from now when you are in the midst of the empty nest years, which my husband and I are enjoying, and which is actually back to phase one (the pre-children) years!

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  5. These are sweet days that you and your husband are having Anna, you'll see them for that years from now when you are in the midst of the empty nest years, which my husband and I are enjoying, and which is actually back to phase one (the pre-children) years!

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  6. I can really related. I loved this. And this too shall pass...

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  7. Love this! I really liked how you showed the contrast between your former life as a couple and your new life as parents with the two lists! We have a ten-month-old now, so I understand where you are! :-)

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